A study conducted by Leadership IQ revealed that in the last three months, 93% of people surveyed have avoided confronting a coworker and 81% of managers have avoided confronting a subordinate about inappropriate behavior. The study also showed that 89% of people have avoided confronting their boss when he or she failed to fulfill an expectation or promise. In each of these instances, confrontation was avoided even when a customer or the organization suffered as a result.
Why do we avoid confrontation? Because, as the study showed, “77% of people say that when they speak up about sensitive topics, the other party gets angry or defensive and 83% of people say that they occasionally or frequently withhold important information from bosses, coworkers and employees because they fear the conversation will end badly.” Not only are employees hesitant to talk to their bosses, those same bosses are avoiding confrontations with their employees.
“Most people do not feel comfortable speaking the truth about sensitive topics,” said Mark Murphy, CEO of Leadership IQ. “But when employees and leaders lack the confidence or training to have these tough conversations, the company and its customers will suffer.” In fact, according to one analysis, “37% of an employee’s willingness to stay at their company is driven by their comfort with speaking the truth about these sensitive issues.” Few people want to address sensitive behavioral issues, even though being free to do so has such a huge impact on retention, Customer Service, and the overall culture of an organization. And if it has that much of an influence on whether or not an employee stays with a particular company, it has to also impact their productivity and effectiveness while they’re there.
The same hesitancy to deal with uncomfortable issues at work takes place in our personal lives, too. And for the same reasons — we don’t want to deal with the consequences. We don’t want to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger, defensiveness, hostility, or hurt feelings. So we might handle it a couple of different ways. We ignore the issues, stuffing them down inside ourselves where they fester until finally a “last straw” triggers an ugly explosion on the unsuspecting other person. Or we quietly reach a breaking point, call it quits and leave the other person mystified as to what we’re so upset about. A lot of times, we may even be assuming the other person knows what they’re doing to upset us when they don’t. Or we’re assuming they’re upset with us when they aren’t.
Confrontation isn’t especially easy or comfortable but it is manageable — without it being a knock-down, yelling, name-calling, dish-throwing fight. Jane, a coaching client, didn’t think she could be open and honest with anyone if she thought it would hurt their feelings or make them angry. She was afraid of the other person’s response and that she wouldn’t know how to handle it. She finally got fed up with being a doormat at the sacrifice of her self-esteem. She realized that she wasn’t responsible for the other person’s reaction to her honestly expressing her own opinion. If they were hurt or angry, that was something they’d have to work out. If they disagreed, that was okay, even if they ended up agreeing to disagree. At first it was a painful struggle to force herself to be open and honest — sometimes, she said, it still is. But, like anything else, the more she does it, the more comfortable she gets with it. In the process, she feels a whole lot better about herself, too.
Sondra Whitt is a founding partner of Purpose Unlimited, whose purpose is to transform lives, leaders and organizations through the power of purpose. She has a masters degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology and consults, coaches, writes and speaks on personal and organizational development. She specializes in problems in the workplace, communication, team-building, selection, and finding and living your purpose in life.
Industrial / Organizational Psychology
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Industrial/Organizational Psychology (Hardcover) $166.12 Striking a balance between research, theory, and application, the 7th edition of INDUSTRIAL/ORGANIZATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY: AN APPLIED APPROACH helps students discover the relevance of industrial/organizational psychology in everyday life through practical … |
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From Coca-cola to Chewing Gum (Paperback) $33.17 Harry Levi Hollingworth was one of the pioneers in the field known today as industrial-organizational psychology. He was the author of more than twenty books and one hundred scientific and theoretical articles. His honors were many, including serv… |
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Roots in the Great Plains (Paperback) $31.68 Harry Levi Hollingworth was one of the pioneers in the field known today as industrial-organizational psychology. He was the author of more than twenty books and one hundred scientific and theoretical articles. His honors were many. In 1940, Holli… |
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United Nations Industrial Development Organization (Hardcover) $112.2 Description not available. |
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Personnel Psychology, 4 issues for 1 year(s) $91 Personnel Psychology Magazine is a quarterly scientific journal of applied research serving the Industrial-Organizational field. Since 1948, the journal has published research on personnel problems facing public and private sector organizations. |
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Encyclopedia of Psychology & Law (Hardcover) $365.12 Cutler (psychology, U. of North Carolina at Charlotte) presents a two-volume encyclopedia that addresses the intersection of psychology (including cognitive, developmental, clinical, biological, and industrial-organizational branches) and law as a fiel… |
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Lean Higher Education (Paperback) $49.72 Balzer (industrial-organizational psychology, Bowling Green State U.) takes his extensive experience in higher education instruction and administration and does some re-shaping of the Lean philosophy originally developed in manufacturing to provide a f… |
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Personnel Psychology and Human Resource Management (Paperback) $74.57 Part of a three-volume set of books which are themed collections of reprinted articles from the International Review of Industrial and Organizational Psychology (IRIOP) from 1997-2001. Each volume provides collections around a topic area, with new intr… |
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Governing Through Standards (Hardcover) $77.24 The authors show how and why standards are used as governance tools. They follow the historical development of standards and their new forms and roles, across the substantive areas of industrial and organizational “quality,” the financial sector, … |